Lost Loves
by NeonDomino
Summary: <html><head></head>James thinks it's safer to end things with Lily. If they aren't together, than he can move her somewhere safe without her arguing to stay with him. But it doesn't go as planned, as Remus decides to take Lily himself and keep her and her baby safe. A baby that James doesn't know about. Platonic Lily/Remus (no relationship between them). Will make an MC if interested. JP/LE SB/RL</html>


**Speed Drabble**: **"Hello, love. Miss me?"** "**You look awful" "I'm trying to move on**" **"sleepless"** "**constellation" "obstinate"** "**prickle**" and **"clammy."**

**Harry Potter Chapter Competition** - Book 6 - **Spinner's End** - Someone doing anything to protect their child.

**Cooking Club Challenge** - **Milk:** Write about an unexpecting mother. **Apples:** (Word) Gathering. **Butter**: Relationship (Platonic).** Oats**: (Word) morning, **Baking Powder: **(Emotion) Stress

**The Hunger Games Trilogy/Challenge/Competition** - Alma Coin - Write about someone making bad decisions.

**Word of the Day Challenge** - Fulgent - Dazzling bright, radiant

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><p>"Look, all I'm saying that this war is getting too much for her. How can I focus on helping win when I'm worrying about Lily being safe? She's a massive target."<p>

"Isn't she safer here with us, then sending her into hiding? We can keep her safe, Prongs," Sirius argued.

"No. She won't stay in the headquarters, and we've defied him twice. We have targets on our heads, and so do you."

"But leaving her? I mean... how can you do that? The war could last years. She could be married and with a family by the time this is over. Then she's gone forever."

"I want to be with her more than anything, but do you think she'll leave if she thinks that we have a future together? I spent years chasing her. I love her more than anything, and if keeping her safe means telling her I don't want her... well, it's best that I do to keep her alive."

"If you're sure," Sirius replied.

"We tell no-one about this. Not the order - no-one that the break-up is fake.."

"Agreed."

"Not even Peter or Remus. One wrong comment, or emotion could let people realise this isn't real," James decided.

**...oOo...**

"I don't want to be with you anymore."

Lily stared at him in shock. Was this a prank? One of his insane jokes that only James and Sirius thought were funny?

He looked utterly serious. Not a trace of a grin on his lips. He was telling the truth. He wanted to end it.

Lily couldn't believe it.

"Why?"

"Because things have changed, Lily. It's just not working."

"I won't accept that," Lily said, shakily. "Unless you give me an honest reason, I won't believe you."

James hesitated. His last resort. He had to remain obstinate on the matter. He had to push her as far away as possible, because he knew she'd talk him around otherwise.

"It was fun when you weren't interested, just a challenge, Lily. I wanted what I couldn't have... but now I have you, I realise that I don't love you. I don't think I ever did."

Lily swayed on the spot for a moment, but Remus rushed to steady her. She pulled herself from his arms.

As she left the room, James smiled sadly after her. He'd explain later that he had a house set up and he had already transferred gold into her account.

He paid no attention to Remus advancing on him, until a fist connected with his face. He stayed on the floor. Remus knew nothing about the plan, and that was to be expected.

"How dare you, and in front of everyone too," he growled, gesturing to the rest of the people who were gathering for the Order meeting.

He watched Remus storm from the room, wishing he could tell him. Remus would never let on about it... but he wasn't sure Remus could be trusted. These times, people did some dark things to keep their loved one's safe, and he didn't know how dark Remus' actions actually were, as he wouldn't tell them.

He'd let her have a cry for a bit, and then send Sirius up to bring her to her new life. One he might not ever be able to be a part of.

But at least she would be safe, and maybe one day, when the war was over... he could find her and explain and grovel and beg forgiveness.

**...oOo...**

Remus undone the wards on the room quickly, rushing through and throwing them back up again, Lily was throwing things from her closet into a suitcase. "Whatever you say, you can't convince me to stay here, Remus. I have to leave. I can't bear to look at him again, I can't join the war. I can't... I can't do this." Tears streamed down her face. "Just give me a head start before telling them."

Remus looked at his friend. The only person left that believed in him. He wasn't stupid; he knew what everyone else thought or suspected.

They thought that he was the traitor.

"I'm off on a mission in a few hours," he whispered, and Lily froze. Remus usually just told them at the last moment, before disappearing. He never informed them of his missions. "I get sent into the packs, and try to convince them to join us. None of them will. It's hopeless, and all it's doing is stopping others from trusting me. It's a waste when I could be fighting properly... but they don't trust me. The only person who truly trusts me is you."

"No, James and Sirius -"

"Think I'm the spy," Remus said. "I would die for them - for you, but they think I'm a coward that would run to his side with information that could hurt the only people in my life that accept me. I'm not going to tell James that you're leaving."

"Thank you," she said. "For what it's worth, I never thought you would."

"And that's why I'm going to help you," Remus replied. "I can't do this anymore. Each time I go in, I could die and for nothing. Not one wolf will assist me, or even consider our side when that potion is being promised to help them. But I can keep you safe."

"Remus..."

"Let me take you somewhere safe," Remus insisted. "I'll leave for my meeting, and you'll be waiting at the door under the cloak. We leave together, and I'll keep you safe. Both of you."

"Both of us?"

"It's a Werewolf thing, I know you have a cub... baby, and you're my family, Lily. My need to keep you safe right now tops everything. You have half an hour, because someone will come up to see you. Reset the wards on the room afterwards, and stay under the cloak."

Lily nodded, and threw everything into the suitcase once more as Remus left. He heard her setting the wards, and he headed towards his own room. The small single at the end. No-one wanted to share with the traitorous Werewolf after all.

**...oOo...**

Remus walked to the door of the living room.

"Mission?" Sirius asked, and Remus gave a curt nod, his eyes flicking around the room to land on James. He couldn't bring himself to look at the pure-blood that he would willingly throw himself in front of a curse for. He could see the look on Sirius' face as James said the words. No shock, no remorse. He looked like it meant nothing. Lily was part of their family, and Sirius just didn't give a shit.

Just like Sirius clearly didn't give a shit about him. Just like Sirius only gave a shit about his best friend. Clearly.

Well, they were welcome to each other.

His eyes met James', who stared back, his eyes moved to a nervous looking Peter, and he found that he couldn't resist. His eyes fell on a suspicious looking Sirius, and he couldn't help the anger in his own eyes as he observed his three friends. Three men who mistrusted him when he would do anything for them. Three men who didn't give a crap about Lily Evans. A couple of days ago she was planning her wedding to James, the plans were almost done, and then suddenly things were over.

"Remus, how is she?" Sirius asked as he turned to leave.

Remus ignored the question. He couldn't bring himself to say goodbye either. He knew he'd see them again. Maybe when the baby was eleven, and at Hogwarts... when they'd come back into the Wizarding World... but they would think about that in the future. They would hate him, but in almost 12 years, that wouldn't matter. Because they had mistrusted him, and James hurt Lily.

Lily needed him more than they did. Lily cared more than his friends. Lily trusted him.

Remus walked to the front door, opening it wide to turn to look up the hall again. He felt Lily brush against him, and his friends watching him. Maybe he was acting suspiciously, but he didn't care.

Let them believe what they wanted.

He closed the door behind him, and felt a hand in his own clammy hand. He couldn't believe he was doing this. He apparated them both into Central London. They hurried into the nearest train station. He didn't want them to be tracked by Death Eaters, and they would have a harder time understanding the underground.

**...oOo...**

Three trainrides later, they were outside London. Remus walked up to a door, and waved his wand, quickly undoing the wards.

"We'll be safe here," he promised, resetting them after they entered the house.

Lily looked around. "It's nice."

"It was my parents, but they didn't live here under their real names. Before my dad passed, Greyback made threats against them so they moved under different names, and Death Eaters never found them."

"Okay, so our story?"

"We're their son and daughter-in-law. The house was left to us, but we've only just decided to move in. The neighbours should recognise me."

"That should work," Lily whispered, the weight of everything that had happened that day hitting her hard. "Where's your mum?"

"She lives a bus ride away. She gave this place to me, because it reminds her off my dad. It's perfect for our family. We'll manage, Lily," Remus insisted.

**...oOo...**

Remus wasn't quite sure how to cope with the situation. He had never been around a pregnant woman before, and Lily was a very upset pregnant woman. For the first two months, almost everything reduced her to tears. She'd only fall asleep if he was there, stroking her hair until she was gone, before returning to his own room. Remus handled everything. He signed them up for the doctors, and arranged Lily's appointments. He attended all her scans with her.

And throughout the first four months, they sat on the pile of gold in the account, wondering what to do with it. This was the rest of their lives they were thinking about, and Remus wouldn't allow Lily to send it back to James.

He reasoned that even if James wasn't in the picture, he should still contribute towards his child.

**...oOo...**

"Remus was hiding something," Sirius said, a few seconds after the door closed.

"Isn't he always hiding something?" Peter asked.

Sirius frowned slightly. He had begun to get annoyed at all Peter's slight comments about Remus.

"I agree," James said. "There was something up. I... even when you pulled that prank, Sirius... he never looked like that. Never that angry, and he was furious at you. Didn't even speak to you for a month, and it took him a year to even forgive you."

Sirius sighed. He had seen the look too. The anger behind his best friends eyes. The disappointment they held. He needed a distraction.

"I'll check if Lily is still crying, maybe help her bring her things to a new room?"

His gaze met James', who nodded as though he didn't care. Peter and a couple of other order members were in the room and no-one was supposed to know. A couple of minutes later, Sirius reached the bottom of the stairs and nodded to James, who got up to follow.

"Lily's gone," he said, holding her engagement ring. "Clothes are gone, drawers are empty. She left this."

"No," James panicked. "She wasn't supposed to disappear. I thought she was going with you somewhere safe, and you'd be able to visit her, keep her safe if her wards went off."

"What now?"

"If we leave to find her, it breaks my plan."

"Then what?"

"You go after her, you could say you were worried about her. I'll stay here and pretend that I don't give a shit. It's our best bet."

Sirius nodded, and they headed down the stairs, and he left.

"Where's Sirius gone?" Peter asked.

"Something to do with Evans," James replied. He didn't want to show how concerned he truly was.

Sirius didn't return for a few hours.

"I can't find her. I have no record of her apparating with my contact at the ministry, so I believe she must have jumped into a muggle car."

"Why a muggle car?"

"Because that's the only explanation," Sirius whispered. "I checked her sister out, she's not there. I checked her parents house, but it's still up for sale, and still empty. I can't find her."

"Maybe she said something to Remus?" James suggested.

"Right. We'll wait for him to come back and ask him," Sirius replied.

**...oOo...**

"Remus Lupin was supposed to return from his assignment over a week ago," Dumbledore announced, looking around. "I've asked my sources, but they can't find him."

The other three Marauders were frozen in panic, all three of them wondering if Remus was even alive.

As the meeting came to a close, James' arms would around Sirius. "He's still alive, mate. You know Remus wouldn't let anyone take him without a fight."

"Unless he's given up all pretence of being on our side," Peter muttered, and two furious gazes fell on him.

"He's dead, isn't he?" Sirius whispered, tears on his cheeks. His Remus. His beautiful best friend.

"Lets not assume anything," James replied, but they could all hear the doubt in his voice that Remus was still alive.

**...oOo...**

Lily found herself more and more angry towards the end of the pregnancy. She was aware she would have to do this the muggle way. She was extremely stressed, even though the books said to not feel that stress. She couldn't help it. It should be James here with her, both of them seeing the baby together on the screen. To see their son. Not her and Remus.

And she took it out on Remus. The mood swings, the food demands. Sulking, shouting, crying.

Remus never complained once.

It was July when everything started to go wrong.

The baby wasn't due until late August, but three weeks early, Lily's waters broke, and she was rushed to hospital.

A baby boy was born as the seventh month died.

He had heard about the prophecy, and so had Lily, and for the first time, she was glad to not be back in her old life.

Because her son could be one of the children prophesied. He would be hunted by Death Eaters.

But here in the muggle world, there wasn't a chance of that.

As the boy was placed into her arms, Remus couldn't see anyone more radiant than Lily at that moment. She was glowing more so than in the pregnancy. She beautiful.

She was a mother, and he was an Uncle.

**...oOo...**

"I'm sorry, there's no trace of him. Not a body, nothing," Dumbledore answered, and James looked at his best friend.

"You look awful," James said. "Listen, you can't do this to yourself. Remus wouldn't want you to destroy yourself."

"I know," Sirius mumbled. "But I can't. We thought he was the traitor, James. We thought he was spying on us, and he's dead. We could have reached out to him, helped him. We could have talked to him and convinced him that he was in the wrong and tried to help him somehow."

"Maybe the way he acted when he left was that he knew something, and we pushed him so far away, he wasn't able to confide in us," James sighed. "We made it so he couldn't come to us for help if he needed it. If he's dead, it's my fault. I was the one who pushed him away. I was the one who drove Lily away."

"Tomorrow marks a year since we last saw him," Sirius whispered.

**...oOo...**

"How's my boy?" Remus asked, lifting Harry up as he walked in the door. "Rosie?"

Lily popped her head around the door. "No, no visitors today," she replied. "Rosie?"

"Trying to sound like a loving husband. Do you hate it?"

Lily nodded. "Just stick with John and Rose... unless you want to be Johnny?"

He pulled a face, and shook his head.

"I was thinking... we could get a babysitter in tomorrow night? My mum said she'd do it?"

"Tomorrow is a year," Lily whispered.

"I know," Remus said, with a sigh. "But we both know now that if we had stuck around, Harry would have been on You-Know-Who's list too."

"So we're celebrating losing the men we love?" Lily asked, and Remus' mouth dropped open.

"Don't lie to me, Remus Lupin. I've always known about your feelings for Sirius Black."

"Enough about that, have you decided what to do with the money?"

"I was thinking that instead of all these jobs you have, how about we open our own shop. Nothing big, just to keep the money coming in."

**...oOo...**

"The Longbottoms are dead," James whispered. "They are dead."

"I know, we've known for a week."

"I can't believe Pete..."

"At least that explains Remus. Who put the doubts into our heads about Remus? Who made us think that Remus was betraying us and it was Pete the whole time. He probably got Remus killed, so we'd stop being careful, thinking the spy was gone."

James poured them both another glass.

"To two years without the most important people in our lives," he said, knocking the glass back, and Sirius doing the same. He started to fill Sirius' glass again.

"Another one?"

Sirius shook his head. "No, I've got a date tonight," he said.

"What? Who with?"

"Some guy I met in the muggle world," Sirius replied. "We're going for dinner."

"Why?"

"I'm trying to move on," Sirius said. "I can't go through life wondering what happened. It's been two years, and I can't spend my life mourning him. I'll always remember him and the good times, but he's dead, James. He's dead and gone."

James put his arms around Sirius, as the other man sobbed into his shoulder. Before they found out Remus was missing, James could have counted the amount of times Sirius had cried on one hand. Now he cried every few days. It had been constantly a couple of years ago.

James knew he wasn't over it, the same way that James still cried over the pain that he felt after losing Lily.

"So, why's your name Sirius?" David asked.

"My family... they like to use names of stars and constellation names," Sirius explained.

**...oOo...**

"Thank you, Hope," Lily said, kissing the woman on the cheek after she took Harry. "Here's nanny," she said to Harry.

"Nanny," Harry repeated, from his Hope's arms.

"We'll see you in the morning, my darling," Lily said, kissing him goodbye. Remus kissed them both.

"Bye Mummy, Bye Uncle Moony," Harry said, waving at the pair, before they left the house and headed to the train station.

**...oOo...**

Lily had just finished shopping for the day, and she adjusted the bags in her hands as she searched her pockets for her Oyster card to let her out of the station. She felt a hand on her shoulder, and she spun around, meeting the equally shocked eyes of Sirius Black.

"Hello, love. Miss me?" He said, trying to overcome the shock with his usual cheek, but Lily's eyes swept over him, taking a quick assessment. It had been almost 3 years since she last saw him. A couple of weeks off those three years in fact. She felt a prickle of fear run through her at the thought of James Potter finding her. She had spent too many sleepless nights after losing him, and then sleepless nights with his son. She didn't want Sirius Black in her life.

"No," she replied, quickly scanning her card, and hoping to find a place to apparate. It took Sirius a minute to catch her up, having to find his own card to leave the station, and by the time he did, she was gone.

Sirius was determined to find her. At least he had an area to search. He may have lost his Remus, before he could even tell the other man how he felt... but he was not going to let James lose Lily.

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><p><strong>Words: 3360<strong>

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><p><strong>Would anyone be interested if I wrote this as a MC?<strong>

**It was written for the speed challenge, and I only had 2 hours to write, but I just got carried away. I really didn't want to stop there, but had no choice.**


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